2005-05-29
In Tribute to the Dead
The lavender on Cole's tomb was wilted when I visited, so I left immediately and purchased twelve dozen red roses to arrange over the cold, grey marble. They were out of place amongst the colossal sprays of bright wildflowers and summery floral arrangements, but undoubtedly, they were the most beautuful. And they were real. I would allow no silk flowers to be placed on his grave; for he was far too good for such.
And his rich, uppity parents would not drive down to help take care of his grave...Hell, they would not even fucking drive to see their own son's funeral, how could I expect them to be caretakers? I had to plan the funeral, I had to plan the burial, I had to pick out his burial clothes and sing the requiem! I'm surprised they even paid for the casket, though I was the one who had to pick it out!
Do you know what that's like, picking out a casket? You're standing there in a room of rows upon rows of empty encasements, being asked by some total stranger, "Which one do you think he would want?"
I mean, what a fucking tactless question! Cole would not want a fucking one of them! Damn idiot, we didn't exactly talk it over at night, saying, "Well, if I should die tomorrow, I'd love to be burried in the black one. The satin is so smooth, and the finish is lovely, don't you think? I tell you, that's a real casket, a real casket."
"Alright darling. I'll make sure you get that one. Tell you what, I'll even put it on lay-away! A down-payment and everything!"
But, I selected one, just the same. And just because his parents were being assholes, I picked out the most luxurious, expensive one in the whole entire funeral home, with full cognizance that they were the ones paying. If they weren't going to be there for their son's funeral, or even his open-casket service, they were going to spend $300,000 on his place of rest.
But I did pay for his marble, above-ground burial vault, and his name engravement, and the marble angel that sits atop his grave and keeps good watch. And the roses. Always the roses.
No rose for another man, so long as I live. So long as I don't live...
There will never be another man that I love as much as I loved Cole, and watching him die made me realize that. And now...now I would give anything to have him back.
graffitihart at 8:54 p.m.