2005-10-08
Losing Never-Land
As of lately, I haven't been writing, my lovelies, and for that, I am truly sorry... But as the anniversary of Cole's death approaches, I haven't been up to it. Many of my nights have been spent out in the cemetery, gazing blankly at his cold, marble resting place, and not where they should be. *sigh* Not with my...husband.
Yes, I married almost two months ago, and kept it my dirty little secret. I should have at least told you that I was engaged, but somehow...I didn't really believe it, myself.
Perhaps...this time I married for love, and so it seems as though I'm floating around in my twisted little dream-land, partially oblivious to the fact that I am a human being and this is reality. It's not that I'm just happy all the time and everything is just this big fun-fest, but...everything is just so...different. Better, in a way, I suppose...
It's not all about sex; the way it was before. Of course, the physical part of our relationship isn't non-existant, but that's not what the basis of it all is. I still like being held and touched, but not the same way that I used to. And afterwards, there isn't that hollow feeling; I'm finally where I want to be. I'm finally...whole. And dying doen't worry me the way it did before, although it still terrifies me. How could it not? How could I just accept it? No, I am still very afraid, but somehow, I have peace...
graffitihart at 3:01 p.m.